i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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