i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize