You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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