i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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