I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
