ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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