I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
