TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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