Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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