You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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