I don't remember. Are we still dating?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
