he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
