Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
