mondays should just be called national damage control day
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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