I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize