things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
