So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You took a bar mat shot.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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