Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
