ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
