Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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