Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
