the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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