Soap is not a condiment
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
