That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
