i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
