I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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