Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
