It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
