guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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