I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
