i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
