goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
