I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
