So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
