Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Randomize
