it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
