when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
