Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
