I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
