Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
