Betty ford says i'm here all night
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
