I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
