Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
