how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
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