Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
