Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
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