i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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