i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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