I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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