im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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