exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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