thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
