Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
