Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
