i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i will never coherently bang her
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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