CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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