and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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