if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
