did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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