just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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