Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
