I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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