I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
