It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
