we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
