can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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