I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
