Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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