I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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