East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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