Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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