I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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