Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
