How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
