Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
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