If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize