Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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