Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
