One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
