the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
