My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
