i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Those nachos came to me in a dream
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize