If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
